MPI-Elementary Counseling

A Holistic Approach to Counseling At MPI

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:01:45 -1000

Every person has an innate wisdom which, when drawn upon, will lead to growth and healing in her/his own unique way." --M. Dhaese
There are many experiences that occur in a young child's life. Some are stressful ones that arise from the challenges of coping with everyday problems. The memories and feelings from these experiences leave impressions in one's inner consciousness and affect all areas of being, but more deeply affect learning and influence how daily life is experienced. "A holistic approach to counseling integrates the emotional, physical, cognitive, and spiritual aspects of a child," says Dr. Marie-Jose Dhaese, director for the Center of Expressive Therapy. A holistic approach is person-centered and focuses on the present needs of each individual child. The "Play Room" at the CE House Expressive play blossoms in a nurturing and healing environment. The play room offers this by allowing children opportunities for active expression of their feelings and thoughts through sand play, art, music, puppets, storytelling, sewing, gardening, and a miniature play house. Play is the natural means of expression for children and through expressive play, their inner strengths are discovered. This can help the child cope with challenging situations in beneficial ways. This environment allows for symbolic expression and provides images to support the unblocking of stressful feelings and experiences so learning can take place. "Emotions drive attention which drives learning, memory, and just about everything else." --Robert Sylvester Students may request a meeting during a time agreed upon with the classroom teachers, student, and the counselor. Parents may also schedule a meeting time. Teachers may refer their students. Please contact - Shirley Rivera 441-3839 srivera@midpac.edu

Honoring Children's Developmental Milestones and Need For Initiation

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 15:55:38 -1000

There are key experiences that we, as parents and educators, can provide for our children that invite their soul, or heart, to be part of their total learning. Rachael Kessler wrote about these strategies, or seven gateways, in her book THE SOUL OF EDUCATION. The seventh gateway is "The Need for Initiation - honoring our children's developmental milestones." Kessler says, "This deals with rites of passage for the young--guiding adolescents to become more conscious about the irrevocable transition from childhood to adulthood. Meeting this need for initiation often involves ceremonies with parents and faculty that welcome them into the community of adults. The developmental milestones for younger children also need acknowledgement. Important events include transitioning from preschool to elementary, the "firsts' in developments, such as riding a bike, writing one's name, tying shoelaces, and accomplishments and performances in sports, music, dance, art, and drama. There is also a major transition in all areas of development for those in middle childhood approaching puberty. During the transition from childhood to the onset of adolescence, puberty with its biological change also brings other physiological changes with the psychological ramifications as well. These include opportunities for growth in cognitive and social competencies, self-esteem, and intimacy (Papalia et al., 2006) Sometimes feelings of uncertainty, loneliness and isolation accompany this transition because this is also a time of searching for one's identity and one's place in the world. West African educator, Malidoma Soma, cited "A crisis of identity and purpose is an inner burning...It is a hollowness, a void, that threatens to erase meaning in everything people do (1997). Initiation and ritual are important to mark this transition and provide understanding, guidance, and community to support the multitude of changes that are occurring. However, Kessler states, "the community that once allowed time and mentoring during initiation, and the rituals that once enfolded the individual into a group have undergone tremendous change." Our lives have become so busy that we often miss opportunities for providing these experiences. In his book, FINE YOUNG MAN, Michael Gurian (1998) noted how young boys starting adolescence, need a clan of caregiving personnel to help him through the "second birth" and into adult masculature--the core self by which he will not only survive in adult life but flourish with passion and dignity (p. 70). Mary Pipher, in her book, REVIVING OPHELIA (1994), emphasized how girls today need loving guidance from family and friends to learn respect for their own uniqueness, and helping them find their "North Star," their sense of who they truly are (p. 154). Here at MPI, two of the school-based programs for children transitioning from elementary to middle school include cross mentoring, where those in the fifth grade pair up with someone in the middle school to ask questions and share ideas, and an overnight organized camp experience. The "Leave Taking" ceremony at the end of the school year provides a time for recognizing the personal gifts of each of our fifth graders. The guidance of a special adult mentor, providing friendship and guidance, is also a crucial element for the youth at this stage of development. Honoring children's developmental milestones and allowing time for initiations in the middle childhood years allows for the heart and soul to be recognized. Providing meaningful experiences that support the many changes occurring for each child, fulfills a need to bring meaning and purpose to one's life. Shirley Rivera CE/ Counseling Mid-Pacific Institute Elementary

Nurturing Your Child's Creativity

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:18:37 -1000

Think of a time in your life when you experienced tremendous joy while creating in art, music, poetry, or dance, or discovered a new way of doing a project, or developed a new idea after grappling with a challenging task. It is that spark of awe, that moment of inspiration, that the heart and soul celebrates this creative drive and feels strengthened and nourished. Rachael Kessler, the Founder of Passage Ways Institute in Boulder, Colorado, and the author of THE SOUL OF EDUCATION, stated that one of the gateways to the soul is the creative drive. She further stated, "This is perhaps the most familiar domain for nourishing the spirit in school. It involves developing new ideas, a work of art, a scientific discovery, or a new way of looking at life that students feel the mystery and awe of creating." There is a deep connection to the heart and soul that arises with artistic expression. This connection links us to "the source of creative inspiration--God, muse, the collective unconscious, the complexity of each person's inner being (Kessler, 2000, p.91). Kessler further elaborated "creativity is a way of thinking, learning, and expressing oneself that goes beyond the arts into the entire way we understand the world" (p.93). One of the ways for young children to experience this deep connection is through storytelling. Stories and metaphors encourage the use of one's imagination and are a form of symbolic expression. This form of expression can help enrich a child's imagination and can provide soothing calm, joy, or peacefulness. Autobiographies and journal writing can help address issues that a child may be facing. Writing about themselves and their experiences reveal areas of a child's inner life that may need attention and healing. Parents can provide a variety of books at home, or make frequent visits to the library. Home-made journals, which can be made out of several pieces of blank paper that are stapled together, can be a safe place for sharing drawings or writings. Providing various opportunities for nourishing a child's creative drive can bring about tremendous joy, healing, and inspiration. This helps children to understand their world in a more holistic and compassionate way. Shirley Rivera CE/ Counseling Mid-Pacific Institute Elementary 441-3839 srivera@midpac.edu

"Do You Want To Be My Friend?" - Understanding Children's Friendships

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:02:44 -1000

Relationships and social interactions play an important part in a young child's life. Having a special friend or close ties with others provide support, and also strengthens one's emotional health and well being. The impressions and experiences from these early years, as well as the modeling from adults, lay the foundation and form a template for future relationships with others. Children are usually attracted to other friends who are like them in interests, age, and ethnicity. They feel comfortable with and like to do things with friends. With friends, they "learn to communicate and cooperate better, learn more about themselves and others, and help each other weather stressful transitions" (Papalia, Olds, Feldman, 2006). How a child acts with friends changes with age and also reflects cognitive and emotional growth. In A CHILD'S WORLD, (2006, p. 395), a study done on the stages of friendship (Selman & Selman, 1979) states-- In Stage 0 - "Momentary playmateship," ages three to seven, children are still egocentric and have trouble considering another person's point of view; they tend to think only about what they want from relationships. In Stage 1 - "One-way assistance," ages four to nine, a "good friend" does what the child wants the friend to do. In Stage 2 -"Two-way fair-weather cooperation," ages six to twelve, there is an overlap with stage one. Friendship involves give-and-take but still serves many separate self-interests. In Stage 3 - "Intimate, mutually shared relationships," ages nine to fifteen, friendship is an ongoing, systematic, committed relationship that incorporates more than doing things for each other. Friends become possessive and demand exclusivity. In Stage 4 - "Autonomous interdependence," beginning at age 12, children respect friends' needs for both dependency and autonomy. The strongest friendships involve equal commitment, respect, and a mutual give-and-take. We, as parents and educators, can help guide our children in practicing the skills and developing friendships that provide the emotional support needed at each stage of development. Take the time to talk with your child and help him/her process his/her experiences and feelings. Help point out successes and challenges, and the effects of their actions and interactions. Be patient and understanding with your child as they go through the difficulties and joys of forming friendships. Think of times in your own childhood and your personal experiences with friendships. More importantly, at all stages, remind your child about respect for himself/herself and others. This modeling helps form the template for building lasting friendships in the future at school, home, and at work.

The Importance of Play in a Young Child's Development

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:46:20 -1000

In my last article, I wrote about the first of the "Seven Gateways to the Soul," as described by Rachael Kessler in her book, THE SOUL OF EDUCATION. Numerous research outline the need for addressing a child's emotional and spiritual yearning as a crucial part in their development. We now know that children, and adults, are more than a mind and a body. Another gateway for nourishing a child's heart and soul is acknowledging "the hunger for joy and delight." There is a part of all of us that yearns to reconnect with the deep sense of joy. Kessler tells us that this hunger can be satisfied through experiences of great simplicity, such as play, celebration, or gratitude. Allowing young children to participate in various experiences that are important to them such as play, bring forth their joy and delight. Think of a time when you felt immense joy as you participated in something creative or fun-filled, or maybe even spent the day in nature! In A CHILD'S WORLD (Papalia et al, 2006), play is described as the work of young children, and promotes development in all areas of growth. Four levels of play are identified. Functional play begins in infancy and involves repetitive muscular movements such as rolling or bouncing a ball. In preschool, running, skipping, and throwing are apparent, and towards the end of early childhood, the gross motor skills improve and activities such as rough and tumble play, become more visible (Pellegrini, 1998). The second level is constructive play. Preschoolers can be seen using objects to make or build things, or do crayon drawings (J.E. Johnson, 1998). The third level is pretend play, also called imaginative play. This type of play increases during preschool, and then declines as children enter middle childhood and become more involved in the fourth level of play. This level includes formal play with rules--organized games with known procedures. Children at this age are usually stronger, faster, and better coordinated, and derive great pleasure from testing their bodies and learning new skills (Papalia, 2006). Through play children learn many different skills, cope with uncomfortable emotions, deal with internal conflicts, and construct their own image of the social world. Children who are experiencing loss, disappointments, or challenges in their lives, whether temporary or permanent, find tremendous healing in play. Working with puppets, dress ups, and various play materials allow children to work through fears and anxieties. As parents, caregivers, and educators, allowing time for a child to play is essential for their cognitive, emotional, physical, and spiritual development. As we witness their play, which means being truly present with a child as he or she plays, we communicate to a child, "I want you to know that I see you and I hear you. What you are doing is important." Play truly brings joy and delight to a young child and is often an attempt to achieve a sense of wholeness in whatever they are experiencing.

Children Yearn for a Deep Connection

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 09:14:24 -1000

Rachael Kessler, Founder of Passage Ways Institute in Boulder, Colorado, and author of the book, THE SOUL OF EDUCATION, lists "The Seven Gateways" that represent key experiences and strategies that teachers and parents could use to welcome and nourish the heart and soul of their children. She cited that each gateway leads to a domain for addressing the soul's yearning. In this article we will discuss the first gateway. In this first gateway, yearning for a connection, Kessler tells us that there is a deep desire within all of us for a meaningful connection with oneself, to others, to nature, or to a higher power. Children yearn to be seen, heard, and listened to. They want, and need quality connections with friends and adults who care for them, From this template of safe and nurturing relationships, they can develop quality connections with the world around them. Deep connections include-- * A connection to self; allowing time for quietness * A connection to another; authentic intimacy * A connection to community; a sense of belonging to a larger group *A connection to lineage; learning about one's family and culture * A connection to nature; finding joy and peace in being with nature. Here is an example of an activity that parents and teachers could use for inviting and nourishing a child's soul. This focusing activity could be used in the morning or at any time your child needs a quiet or calm moment during a busy day. GOLDEN MOMENT -- Start with 30 seconds of silence; build up to several minutes depending on the child's age. Use a bell or chime to start and end this timing. "This is a special time for just you. You don't have to do anything except be peaceful and quiet. Try to stay as still as you can. Let your mind relax and enjoy thinking about whatever it wants to or thinking nothing at all. You can open your eyes or close them. If you keep your eyes open, turn your body to face in a direction so that you aren't distracted by looking at someone or something else." (from PassageWays Class by Rachael Kessler)

Heart-to-Heart Counseling Program PS-Gr. 5

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:17:56 -1000

"In meeting the social, emotional, and spiritual needs of students, the elementary school offers students personal counseling to ensure that their concerns are heard and that appropriate intervention strategies are implemented. Every child should feel safe and respected." (MPI Elementary School Handbook, 2009-2010) FEELINGS ---- Sometimes, not having someone to talk to or someone to listen to you can be upsetting... maybe even cause worries and stomach aches. Many children, as well as adults, are not able to make friends or adjust to new situations easily. For some, these interpersonal skills need to be learned and practiced. Interpersonal skills are part of the eight multiple intelligences. Some of us are stronger in one or more of these areas. In fact, that is the beauty of having different learning styles. For those children having trouble adjusting, develop routines and PRACTICE with them. Feeling safe on the outside as well as the "inside" is important. Imagine what YOU need to feel safe inside you, in your heart. Then imagine and provide this for a child who may be having difficulty adjusting or settling in. VALIDATING their smallest accomplishments in remembering routines or completing a task that they had difficulty with, does wonders for a child's spirit. Examples of phrases to use are, "Look what you did today all by yourself!" "That was difficult, but you did it!" "I noticed you were having a hard time with this, but you kept trying." "Tell me how you did it!" This technique is called "witnessing." The key is to witness without judgment in words, feelings, and actions. Be on the lookout for the quiet ones. Remember to acknowledge and validate their smallest accomplishments as well. Children have many feelings and generally express them openly. Feelings are a part of us. Sometimes when a child experiences an uncomfortable feeling and is unable to express this, the energy caused from this can block learning. Our counseling program can help with releasing this energy through play, puppets, sand stories, art, music, or gardening. For more information about our "Heart-to-Heart" counseling program, please see our elementary school handbook or feel free to contact me. Shirley Rivera *Phone: 441-3839 *Email: srivera@midpac.edu "It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Compassionate Understanding of Children's Loss and Grief

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:38:16 -1000

"The warm and radiant yes of the heart is perfect, like the sun, in bringing all things to life and nourishing all that is truly human." -- John Welwood There are many experiences that occur in a young child's life -- some are joyful, and others are painful ones that result from the loss of feeling loved, secured, and safe. The memories and the feelings from these experiences leave impressions in one's inner consciousness, often lasting a lifetime, and affecting all areas of development and all levels of being--physical, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual. Children bring the totality of these experiences with them to school. These impressions are capable of enhancing or blocking learning, but more deeply, affect and influence how life is experienced.

Helping to Develop Our Children's Emotional Intelligence

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:59:45 -1000

"Anyone can become angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, for the right purpose, and in the right way--that is not easy." Aristotle - The Nichomachean Ethics Understanding our emotions and how they develop can help us discover how our emotional habits can undermine our best intentions, as well as what we can do to subdue our more destructive or self-defeating emotional impulses. Most important, this understanding and awareness gives us the insight for shaping our children's emotional habits. Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, stated that emotions act as essential guides for our deepest feelings and passions. Their power can be extraordinary as in certain cases where a parent's impulse to save his or her child from danger becomes an impulse for survival. Thoughts and emotions arise almost simultaneously. Perception of an activity occurs, which is connected to an internal emotional reaction that leads to action. PERCEPTION --> EMOTION --> ACTION Has this ever happened to you? You experience a series of thoughts that keep repeating in your mind (memories, judgments, fantasies) and then there are bodily sensations, such as pain, tension, or relaxation. As adults, we often get stuck in the thought process without ever becoming aware of any specific bodily sensations that are accompanying our thoughts. Children, in contrast, primarily experience the bodily sensations that accompany the emotions. When we can recognize this as adults, there is a deeper sense of empathy for the young child's experience. How confusing it must be for children to experience a surge of adrenalin! They often feel compelled to act, perhaps grab back a toy that was taken from them and strike the thief. One of our tasks as adults is to help children interpret these bodily sensations - put words to these so that they become conscious experiences rather than unconscious (Robinson, 2007). Children can be taught to become aware of emotions and learn many ways to respond to them. This is called emotional intelligence and there are five domains. The keystone is self-awareness, knowing one's emotions, and recognizing a feeling as it happens. As parents and educators we can model this for our children. It calls for an awareness of our own learning styles, and acknowledging and honoring our own emotions. One of the ways is taking the time to settle yourself. Bring your attention to how you are feeling before starting class or interacting with a child. Don't analyze your feelings, just be aware of what they are as you begin each day or interactions with a child. Having quiet moments during the school day and allowing the children to check in with how they are feeling through journal writing or drawing is another helpful way of working with emotions. Classroom community circles where children are allowed to share feelings about their personal events is another way of strengthening emotional awareness. Understanding our emotions can give us insight into helping our children learn to marshal the emotions as guides for their deepest feelings and passions as they develop and journey through life. Shirley Rivera CE/Counseling Mid Pacific Institute elementary

Heart-to-Heart with Kids

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:01:12 -1000

Heart-to-Heart with Kids is a support group at Mid-Pacific Institute for children ages three to eleven. Those who are grieving a loss are invited to participate. There are many experiences that occur in a young child's life -- some are joyful, while others are painful. The memories and feelings from these experiences leave impressions in one's inner consciousness, often lasting a lifetime, affecting all areas of development and all levels of being -- physical, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual. Children bring the totality of these experiences with them to school. These impressions are capable of enhancing or blocking learning, but more deeply affect and influence how life is experienced. Young children experience various kinds of losses in their lives. While death of a caregiver or someone close to a child is the deepest wound to a young heart, other losses that bring grief, such as separation and divorce, also affect young children in many ways. The experience that one has due to a loss is called grief, an internal anguish that encompasses a broad range of feelings and behaviors. This distress can manifest itself in many ways, including anxiety, anger, sorrow, depression, sadness, fear, guilt, and relief. Cynthia White, director of Kids Hurt Too, a non-profit organization that provides support for children and families who are experiencing loss and grief, states that young children need opportunities for releasing grief in safe ways, consistent compassionate redirection of their energy into safe outlets, an environment that favors learning through active participation, and recognition that their behavior is the expression of grief. Heart-to-Heart with Kids meets on the second and third Tuesdays of each month from 2:30 to 3:15 pm at the CE House of MPI. There is no fee for children of MPI to attend. Parents are encouraged to help provide healthy snacks and drinks for each group session. Activities to help express the energy of grief and provide compassionate support in a safe and caring environment include art, music, games, puppets, and gardening. To register, please call: Shirley Rivera Mid-Pacific Institute's Character Education and Counseling Office at 441-3839 email: srivera@midpac.edu

Insight Into Emotions

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:52:54 -1000

Our emotions are very much a part of us, and a deeper understanding of their importance can provide further insight into helping our children. Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, wrote that all emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us (1995, p. 6). He further stated - The very root of the word 'emotion' is "motere," the Latin verb "to move," plus the prefix "e-" to connote "move away," suggesting that a tendency to act is implicit in every emotion. In our emotional repertoire each emotion plays a unique role, as revealed by their distinctive biological signatures. With new methods to peer into the body and brain, researchers are discovering more physiological details on how each emotion prepare the body for a different kind of response (1995, p. 6).

The Effects of the Outside World

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 08:37:03 -1000

This the third, and last, of a three-part series of articles on "What Makes Kids Care?"

What About Effects of the Outside World?

Parents understandably worry that their effort at home can be undermined by outside influences, such as their children's friends, daily violence in their own neighborhoods, television shows and movies, or a culture that exalts "heroes" who are selfish.

There are a few things that you can do to help counteract these influences. for instance:

* Give them books that promote compassionate behavior. Keep in mind, though, that kids -- especially teenagers -- don't like characters who are goody-two-shoes, so look for books about "ordinary" characters who perform acts of caring and concern.

* A study at the National Institute of Mental Health found that children who see kindness on television tend to imitate it. For this reason, you may want to limit their viewing of violent programs and encourage them to watch shows that promote ideas about caring and helping.

* Find out about the movies your children want to see: are they excessively violent, do they glamorize criminals or people who get ahead at the expense of others, do they glorify violence to people or animals? While you can't shield your children from everything, a little discussion can go a long way. Ask them to think about what they saw and to consider other approaches the characters might have taken.

* Educate your children about famous altruists. Local museums can provide an inexpensive and enjoyable way to do this, as can television specials and books. Talk to them about whom they admire, and why.

How Can Parents Help Their Kids To Care?

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 08:40:52 -1000

This is the second article of a three-part series on "What Makes Kids Care?" that was published by the American Psychological Association. What Can Parents Do? Let them Know How You Feel The most important thing you can do is to let your children know how much it means to you that they behave with kindness and responsibility. When you catch your child doing something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, you should let them know right away that you don't want them doing that. Speak to your child firmly and honestly, and keep your focus on the act, not on the child personally. Say something along the lines of "What you did is not very nice" rather than "YOU are not very nice!" It's important to let your children know how deeply you feel about their behavior toward others. If they see that you have a real emotional commitment to something, it's more likely that the issue will become important to them, too. This emotional reaction needs to be accompanied by information, some explanation of why you disapprove. For example, you can say, "Look, Joey is crying. He's crying because you took his toy away. That wasn't a very nice thing to do!" or "It hurts the cat when you do that; that's why he scratched you. It isn't kind, and I don't want you to do that anymore!" Be frank, honest, and upfront with your kids about what kind of behavior you do and don't like. Also, keep it short and to the point; the idea is to teach them, not make them feel guilty!

What Makes Kids Care?

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:52:53 -1000

Teaching Gentleness in a Violent World
It seems as though we are surrounded by violence and cruelty. According to the National Crime Survey, almost 3 million crimes occur on or near school campuses every year; that's 16,000 per school day, or one every 6 seconds. A recent study on domestic violence found that many high school boys thought it was all right for a boy to strike his girlfriend if she angered him; meanwhile, during the early 1980's, nearly 17,000 people were killed by their domestic partners.

In a world where violence and cruelty seem to be common and almost acceptable, a lot of parents wonder what they can do to help their children become 'kinder and gentler'--to develop a sense of caring and compassion for others. Raising kids who care isn't a solution to violence by itself, but you might worry that being exposed to a lot of violence -- whether it's on television or on the streets -- could make your children 'hard' and uncaring.

Caretaking of Children's Souls

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:50:00 -1000

As parents and teachers, we often provide an enriching cognitive and physical skills environment but sometimes ignore addressing the affective domain. In Young Children, a journal from the National Association for the Education of Young Children (Jan 2000), Susan Turner refers to this domain as the essence of a person’s spirit that gives them life, their uniqueness, and their spark of fire. She refers to this as “canto hondo,” the deep song. We often expand a young child’s mind but forget to equally do the same for his or her soul.