Relationships and social interactions play an important part in a young child's life. Having a special friend or close ties with others provide support, and also strengthens one's emotional health and well being. The impressions and experiences from these early years, as well as the modeling from adults, lay the foundation and form a template for future relationships with others.
Children are usually attracted to other friends who are like them in interests, age, and ethnicity. They feel comfortable with and like to do things with friends. With friends, they "learn to communicate and cooperate better, learn more about themselves and others, and help each other weather stressful transitions" (Papalia, Olds, Feldman, 2006).
How a child acts with friends changes with age and also reflects cognitive and emotional growth. In A CHILD'S WORLD, (2006, p. 395), a study done on the stages of friendship (Selman & Selman, 1979) states--
In Stage 0 - "Momentary playmateship," ages three to seven, children are still egocentric and have trouble considering another person's point of view; they tend to think only about what they want from relationships.
In Stage 1 - "One-way assistance," ages four to nine, a "good friend" does what the child wants the friend to do.
In Stage 2 -"Two-way fair-weather cooperation," ages six to twelve, there is an overlap with stage one. Friendship involves give-and-take but still serves many separate self-interests.
In Stage 3 - "Intimate, mutually shared relationships," ages nine to fifteen, friendship is an ongoing, systematic, committed relationship that incorporates more than doing things for each other. Friends become possessive and demand exclusivity.
In Stage 4 - "Autonomous interdependence," beginning at age 12, children respect friends' needs for both dependency and autonomy.
The strongest friendships involve equal commitment, respect, and a mutual give-and-take. We, as parents and educators, can help guide our children in practicing the skills and developing friendships that provide the emotional support needed at each stage of development. Take the time to talk with your child and help him/her process his/her experiences and feelings. Help point out successes and challenges, and the effects of their actions and interactions. Be patient and understanding with your child as they go through the difficulties and joys of forming friendships. Think of times in your own childhood and your personal experiences with friendships. More importantly, at all stages, remind your child about respect for himself/herself and others. This modeling helps form the template for building lasting friendships in the future at school, home, and at work.
Posted on February 3, 2010 10:02 AM | Permalink