Helping to Develop Our Children's Emotional Intelligence

"Anyone can become angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right
person, to the right degree, for the right purpose, and in the right way--that
is not easy."
                                                         Aristotle - The Nichomachean Ethics
 
Understanding our emotions and how they develop can help us discover
how our emotional habits can undermine our best intentions, as well as
what we can do to subdue our more destructive or self-defeating emotional
impulses. Most important, this understanding and awareness gives us the
insight for shaping our children's emotional habits.

Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, stated that emotions act as
essential guides for our deepest feelings and passions. Their power can be
extraordinary as in certain cases where a parent's impulse to save his or
her child from danger becomes an impulse for survival. Thoughts and
emotions arise almost simultaneously. Perception of an activity occurs,
which is connected to an internal emotional reaction that leads to action.
                         PERCEPTION --> EMOTION --> ACTION
Has this ever happened to you? You experience a series of thoughts that
keep repeating in your mind (memories, judgments, fantasies) and then
there are bodily sensations, such as pain, tension, or relaxation. As adults,
we often get stuck in the thought process without ever becoming aware of
any specific bodily sensations that are accompanying our thoughts.
 
Children, in contrast, primarily experience the bodily sensations that
accompany the emotions. When we can recognize this as adults, there is a
deeper sense of empathy for the young child's experience. How confusing
it must be for children to experience a surge of adrenalin! They often feel
compelled to act, perhaps grab back a toy that was taken from them and
strike the thief. One of our tasks as adults is to help children interpret these
bodily sensations - put words to these so that they become conscious
experiences rather than unconscious (Robinson, 2007). Children can be
taught to become aware of emotions and learn many ways to respond to
them. This is called emotional intelligence and there are five domains. The
keystone is self-awareness, knowing one's emotions, and recognizing a
feeling as it happens.

As parents and educators we can model this for our children. It calls for an
awareness of our own learning styles, and acknowledging and honoring our
own emotions. One of the ways is taking the time to settle yourself.  Bring
your attention to how you are feeling before starting class or interacting
with a child. Don't analyze your feelings, just be aware of what they are as
you begin each day or interactions with a child. Having quiet moments
during the school day and allowing the children to check in with how they
are feeling through journal writing or drawing is another helpful way of
working with emotions. Classroom community circles where children are
allowed to share feelings about their personal events is another way of
strengthening emotional awareness.
 
Understanding our emotions can give us insight into helping our children
learn to marshal the emotions as guides for their deepest feelings and
passions as they develop and journey through life.
 
Shirley Rivera
CE/Counseling
Mid Pacific Institute elementary